The Wanting and the Having
by OtakuLibra
Summary: In which Spock helps T'Pring understand the nature of humanity and love, in a roundabout way. Kirk/Spock, T'Pring & Spock friendship


**The title is a reference to the TOS episode "Amok Time." Perhaps not the most creative of titles, for which I apologize. This is my Reboot version of T'Pring, set in the same universe as "Belief in Angels" and basically all my other fics. **

* * *

She would perhaps have called herself his best friend, were they human. Or rather, were _she_ human. Spock might have said as much, perhaps, were he more open with his human half. T'Pring does not despise this half of him as many do, even, truly, as Spock has come to. T'Pring feels, illogically, protective of Spock, likely because of the insults directed toward him by their peers.

They are linked at the age of seven, as is Vulcan custom, but T'Pring knows they shall never bond. It is expected, and T'Pring almost doubts her conclusion when she sees the relief in Lady Amanda's eyes, as if Spock's link with T'Pring will save him from the resentful eyes that follow him.

It does not. And her conclusion remains valid.

He is a better telepath than she; this should perhaps concern her, as she is full Vulcan. However, she finds herself, instead, grateful. She is cold, she knows, even for a Vulcan. And she will admit—if only to herself—that she rather enjoys the emotions that slide through their link. T'Pring finds Spock's mind fascinating.

* * *

When they are twelve, Spock lets his control slip. T'Pring has never felt such violent, intense emotions. She had been waiting for Spock outside, and she knows the exact moment they break him, knows the feeling of the boy's skin under her fists.

It is she who pulls the two boys apart, in the end, but not before Spock has a split, bleeding lip and the other boy has a black eye. It is she who returns Spock to Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda. She can feel the adrenaline still rushing through Spock, the anxiety, the fear of what Sarek will say. It is somewhat disconcerting, but not entirely unpleasant.

She wonders later if this is love. In a way, she desires it to be love. It will make their lives much easier, she knows. But, as she cannot help but analyze, it does not take her long to disprove her hypothesis. She knows Spock too well to love him. He is not unlovable; it is simply that T'Pring does not. This is objective; it is simply the truth.

T'Pring does wish she loves Spock. He needs love from someone, she knows, and Lady Amanda, though she tries, is too reserved to give it to him the way he needs. Spock needs someone who will understand his Vulcan nature as his mother does, but who will be willing to push past it without fear. T'Pring cannot do this.

* * *

T'Pring knows Spock will not enter the Science Academy. She no longer remembers whether it was simply an effect of their link or whether he told her. T'Pring still considers herself Spock's friend; they agreed long ago that they are not meant to be lovers. It is possible that he confided his plans to her beforehand.

T'Pring knows it is not meant for Spock to stay on Vulcan. She is not bitter about his leaving. They will dissolve their link and he will leave. She will enter the Academy, as is expected; perhaps she will study xenopsychology. She will… miss Spock's presence in her mind. Perhaps studying the minds of others will alleviate this loss.

She goes to the shuttle station to see him off. Lady Amanda is there; Sarek is not. Spock's eyes are dark. T'Pring wishes she knows what he is feeling.

But she is T'Pring. She will not mourn that which was never lost. Spock promises to communicate with her as soon as possible. She is grateful for this. And yet, she has decided she will tell him nothing of Vulcan. She still feels protective of him, though it is even less logical now than it was when they were children. She does not wish for Spock to leave anything of himself here. Looking back will only cause him pain.

Lady Amanda cries, clinging to T'Pring's arm. Under normal circumstances, she would find this display illogical and unseemly, but here her humanity seems beautiful in a way she has never experienced before.

* * *

T'Pring graduates, with honors. She is offered a teaching position at the Science Academy; she is offered psychology positions at several hospitals. Instead, she goes to Earth. She understands Vulcan as she does herself, and she still misses Spock's mind, sometimes. She goes to San Francisco, where Starfleet Headquarters' presence draws beings from across the Federation.

She visits Spock, who is now a Commander and a professor at the Academy. He has not changed much in nearly five years. But she has missed him, and she will have time to worry later. (She does not like to admit that she worries about Spock, but as he is half-Human she believes it is forgivable.)

T'Pring sits in on one of his linguistics classes. He is a highly capable professor, but T'Pring can tell this is not what he wants. Earth is not home for Spock, and he will not return to Vulcan. It is space that draws him.

Spock takes her to a café after his class, the only one in the city that serves an adequate Vulcan tea, he informs her.

"Why do you remain on Earth?" she inquires. "It is illogical."

Spock gives her one of his almost-smiles. She is no longer used to them. It is almost shocking to see it now. He tells her he is to be Science Officer aboard Starfleet's newest flagship, the _USS Enterprise_, when she is finished. T'Pring almost senses pride in his voice. It is new to her, and she decides she likes it. She hopes—it is an emotion, yes, but she allows this concession, as she always has, for Spock—she hopes that space can give him what he seeks. She hopes he discovers what it is that will make him whole.

* * *

T'Pring knows more than most about what happened during the _Narada_ incident. Spock informed her, in fragmented sentences, voice fraught with emotion, just minutes after James Kirk took command.

He apologizes. He sits there, on the screen, as if she could reach out and touch him if she desired to do so. He refuses to look at her. T'Pring knows those eyes. She understands why he averts them, not wanting her to see the emotion within them, as if even now he is trying to garner their approval, to be completely Vulcan when there are so few left.

And there, stoically, too stiff, Spock apologizes.

It is not only to T'Pring, though he does offer his condolences for her family, for the life she could have had, _they_ could have had. He apologizes to his mother, to Vulcan, to the children who tormented him as a child, to his father, to James Kirk.

This is the first time Spock ever calls him Jim, but he hardly seems to notice, and T'Pring does not know this until much later. Instead, she offers what comfort she can.

"I grieve with thee," she says in High Vulcan, attempting to send, through the ghost of their broken link, reassurance and peace. She does not know if she succeeds, but then, Spock has always been the better telepath.

When T'Pring informs him of this, he looks at her, _finally_, eyes bright, almost laughing. She is glad to have been the cause of his happiness, but she remembers the look on his face at the Academy, the same as when they were young. She cannot be what Spock needs. She tells him this, too.

"Go," she says, still in Vulcan, the sounds warm, somehow, in a way the language has never been for T'Pring before now. "They need you, Spock."

He nods, slowly. "I thank thee, T'Pring."

She nods in return, attempting an affectionate, comforting look. She is fairly certain she fails, but perhaps Spock will understand.

* * *

The first time T'Pring meets James Tiberius Kirk, he hugs her. She is not certain what to make of this, until Spock notifies her that Jim has, as he would say, "heard a lot about you." The embrace is simply a display of his gratitude. T'Pring wonders vaguely why it would not simply be sufficient to verbalize such a sentiment, but she says nothing. She finds herself liking this James Kirk, despite his arrant disregard for most Vulcan manners.

Over Kirk's shoulder, T'Pring shoots Spock a look. He shakes his head minutely, as if annoyed, but his eyes give away his amusement.

Then Kirk turns back to Spock, and Spock's eyes convey an entirely different emotion.

Ah.

That is it. Caring, completeness, acceptance, _love_. This is what T'Pring has been waiting to see in Spock's eyes since they were children.

They are together. Spock does not tell her such, not for another two years, when they are bonded.

T'Pring has no bondmate; she never shall. This, perhaps, is selfish, as there are so very few Vulcans left, but T'Pring has perhaps become too human, living on earth so long.

She sees this change in Spock as well, over the years.

They visit T'Pring sometimes, in her small San Francisco apartment, when they are on shore leave. She enjoys these visits, for every time she sees Spock she is struck by how much he has grown from the small, tormented, frightened boy she once knew. But nothing can mask the emotion she feels when James stands on her tiny balcony, watching the sun set as Spock and T'Pring play chess just inside and she sees Spock look up at James and smile. Truly smile, without restraint or shame.


End file.
